Lore
Space Messiah
A famous science fiction movie star is abducted by aliens. These aliens believe that American science fiction acts as a sort of bible to earthlings. The aliens grant our protagonist immortality and inform him that he is the next messiah of earth.
Upon returning to earth our protagonist starts a religion based on the lessons of the aliens and his own beliefs. Among the commandments of his religion are to promote casual sex and rock 'n' roll music but to abstain from masturbation.
This religion becomes quite popular and the protagonist gives televised sermons to his followers. A few years later he is accused of and admits to masturbating during his televised sermons. He is then excommunicated from his own church by his priests and is sentenced to be crucified until the end of time.
While nailed to his cross our protagonist has time to reflect on the current state of the earth. He is displeased with it all, but he no longer has any influence. After several years of crucifixion he sees the aliens who originally granted him immortality. The aliens decide to take him off of his cross and bring him to hell.
Cash & Tango, and the Sundance Kid
Two outlaws from the Space Messiah (Cash and Tango) meet up with the infamous Sundance Kid. The Sundance kid tricks our dubious duo into throwing a house party in the Wicked Witch of the Snack's tower. While the party is fantastic (and a new dance craze is discovered) the witch is NOT happy with the mess.
Skin
A robot priest created for the Space Messiah starts his first day at Robot Priest Academy. Their instructor (Mr. X) teaches the robots about how humans are great. The robots determine that the best way to become human is to kill humans. They start by sacrificing Mr. X and wearing his skin. One robot tries drinking soda in an attempt to be more human and dies because robots can't do that. Eventually robots become the primary race on earth and breed humans for clothing.
Living Nightmare
A deep dive into the Wicked Witch of the Snack, her creations, her creator, and the one who hunts her.
The Prodigal Bun
An unsuspecting baker makes the perfect cake, only for the Wicked Witch of The Snack brings that cake to life! There's only one problem, this cake yearns to be a real boy.
Cash & Tango Eat a Flavortown Mango
Welcome to Flavortown
A vignette of a magical world. Think Cloudy WIth a Chance of Meatballs, but with something sinister lurking beneath the surface.
Finding The Tree
Our heroes Cash and Tango enter the scene. They find themselves a bit peckish and decide to steal a mango from Guy Fieri's farm.
Driving Downtown in a Dodge Durango
Guy Fieri notices some troublemakers stealing one of his prized mangos. He decides that he will stop at nothing to make Cash and Tango pay for their crime.
69 deg C
Cash and Tango have a great night on the town.
Deep Freeze
The downtrodden citizens of Flavortown reflect on their poor living conditions. It's explained that when the baked bean factory closed in 1986, Guy Fieri has become the town's sole employer. While he proclaims to treat his employees as a family, he treats them as disposable cogs in his mango producing machine.
Mango #5 (Interlude)
Guy Fieri continues to grow angrier as our heroes elude him. He begins to crave human flesh.
Burn This Flavortown Down
After discovering the true extent of Guy's cruelness, Cash and Tango decide that they must set the citizens of Flavortown free. They burn Guy's mango groove to the ground and drive off into the sunset.
Hot Gos at the Electric Mango
The Electric Mango is jazz lounge filled with neon lights and Flavortown's seediest characters. Jack, the lounge's MC, tells Cash and Tango that if they want to escape Guy's wrath, their best bet is to board the Ares rocket and leave earth all together. As our heroes contemplate this option, Guy Fieri unleashes his true strength and destroys the Electric Mango with a single punch.
Fieri's Fury
Guy Fieri explains to Cash and Tango that he plans to murder and eat them both.
Duel of Plates
It's time for the boss encounter...
Leafy Greens
Cash and Tango will NOT go down without a fight. They begin throwing insults and fists at Guy.
The Beatdown
Guy gets the upper hand and lands a lethal blow on Tango. Cash's anger causes him to go super saiyan. With his new found strength he is able to beat Guy to a pulp, but nothing can bring back his best friend.
The Last Schmaltz
Tango's last thought is how much he loves Cash. He can't imagine a world where they are apart.
Death of Tango (Italian Herbs & Cheese)
Cash reflects on his life as a wandering cowboy. He mourns the loss of Tango and decides to keep travelling until things make sense again.
BLOODBATH AND BEYOND: Cash & Tango Go To Hell
This story resumes where "Cash & Tango Eat a Flavortown Mango" left off. Tango has been killed by Guy Fieri. Cash resolves to travel through the circles of hell to find Tango.
1st Circle: Badlands
Cash enters the first circle of hell (Badlands) to search for Tango. In this circle, it is illegal to drink slowly and all beverages must be chugged. Cash hears of a man named Salsa who runs a seltzer selling business.
MLMevator Pitch
Salsa poisons the primary water source in hell (the river of Styx) and uses multi-level marketing to expand his seltzer empire.
2nd Circle: River
Cash sails down the river of Styx, which is now filled with beans.
3rd Circle: Pensacola, FL
Cash enters Florida and remarks how, while still a terrible place, this is one of the nicer circles of hell, relatively speaking. Cash makes friends with an NFT named Grooving shark. Cash takes a sip of seltzer and has a vision that Salsa and Tango may be connected.
The Climb
Cash keeps drinking and begins to lose hope that he will find Tango. He gets in a car accident and Grooving Shark saves him from the rubble.
4th Circle: The Dropship Murphys
A hivemind called the Murphys expand Salsa's empire through drop shipping. They grow incredibly wealthy and conquer a circle of hell entirely.
5th Circle: Green Hill Zone
Cash and Grooving Shark enter the most dangerous circle of hell yet. Grooving shark makes a deal with the devil to get laser vision.
Salsa (The Dip)
Cash confronts Salsa on his predatory business practices and then realizes that Salsa is Tango. Salsa uses black magic to escape.
Scrimper
Cash reflects on what mortality means when you're already in the underworld. Can people ever truly change through death or other means? Is Tango still there inside of Salsa?
A Cold Day in Hell
Snow begins to fall in hell. Cash misses earth and Grooving shark misses Florida.
6th Circle: Hell Is Hiring
Cash and Grooving Shark continue traveling hell. They try their best to navigate through an unending job interview.
Salsa (The Dance)
Cash confronts Salsa and they throw down verbally. Will it escalate further?
Murphy's Law
The Murphys gain power over hell more broadly by taking over the court system.
The Waffle House Holy Commune
The first Waffle House opened on Labor Day weekend in 1955 at 2719 East College Avenue in Avondale Estates, Georgia. That restaurant was conceived and founded by Joe Rogers Sr. and Tom Forkner. Rogers's concept was to combine the speed of fast food with table service with around-the-clock availability. Forkner suggested naming the restaurant "Waffle House", as waffles were the most profitable item on the 16-item menu. Fast forward to 2009 when a cult was formed around this chain restaurant. Eventually this cult grows in power and is able to turn every restaurant into a portal where people can travel from earth to hell and back again.
7th Circle: Chow Garden
Cash and Grooving Shark continue their journey and travel through the chow garden.
Nth Circle
Cash and Grooving Shark grow weary as they continue their travels through hell. They loose track of how long they have been in this dimension.
Groovin' Shark's Lament
Grooving Shark shares his deepest desire with Cash. He wants to use music to conquer the underworld
8th Circle: City Escape
Cash and Tango come face to face again. Cash pleads for them to run away together and Tango asks how?
9th Circle: Gomorrah
Cash and Tango travel through the 9th circle of hell and find a portal back to earth. Tango comes to terms with the fact that Salsa is now a part of him forever.